Keeping Portland Weird...

Portland is full of all sorts of interesting and fun people and that is what makes Portland interesting and fun. Who wants boring and plain? Not I. The free public transit really brings out the non-boring and non-plain.

Keeping Portland Weird Case in Point #1:

Below is a picture of a train stop. Where all four kids were sitting. Where Laura and I were standing. Where about 10 other people were standing. Where about 10-15 feet away there was a major make-out session going on.

The major make-out session that we were all witnessing was not being performed by some young teenage couple who just couldn't keep their hands off each other. It was not being performed by some newlyweds in their 20's. It was, in fact, being performed by two people in their upper 40's to early 50's. They were an average looking couple, like maybe he might sell you some insurance and she might work at a bank. But let me tell you...they LUSTED each other. I timed them. They LUSTED each other for 5 minutes and 47 seconds. Right there on the sidewalk. There was A LOT of tongue involved, Laura saw her sucking his chin, there was some grinding, and plenty of ear sucking. You might be asking yourself why I just didn't look away. I couldn't. I physically couldn't pry my eyes away from them. Laura noticed Jack was also staring at them. She said, "Jack are you watching those people kiss?" Jack replied, "Yes." Laura asked, "What do you think about that?" Jack replied, "I think they are stupid." Laura further implied, "Why do you think they are doing that?" Where on Jack paused, thought, and replied, "I think they are on drugs!" From the mouths of babes!!!

Oh great the train is approaching. Sweet relief from our free presentation of Skinamax. Surely they won't make-out on the train. Surely they will stumble (Wait, what? Are they stumbling? OK that makes sense, they are drunk. That explains it. Wait a minute, isn't it 4pm on a Monday? Isn't it a little early in the day to be drunk? Isn't it a little early in the week to be drunk? Maybe I need a drink after watching that). Anywhoo...surely they will stumble onto the train and stand there like normal people trying their hardest not to make eye contact with anyone. Wait, whoa...they are still making out. I have to admit...they are dedicated...and in LUST!

Keeping Portland Weird Case in Point #2:

Later that night the Lovetts reboarded the train in search of some authentic Chinese cuisine. Annika and I were sitting down and across the aisle Jason and Lena were standing up. At times Annika can be a little gassy and a lot stinky. This was one of those times. As we trained along a man without a shirt settled in the seat next to Jason. He mumbled something about Jason being a good dad and then said, "Hi my name is Brian. What's your name?" Jason smiled politely, but wasn't forthcoming. Brian would not be thwarted though. He proceeded to have the following conversation with Jason,

"Hey Dave. You're name was Dave, right (at which Jason said, "Yep")? You don't even know me but I am going to tell you a really personal story." Then he proceeded to tell him a rather heartbreaking story about how his mom took him to a Metallica concert and two weeks later she died. That was 1987 and he hasn't been the same since. Now I know that isn't funny, but there is a funny part and it goes a little something like this..."So Dave, my mom was in the hospital because she had a bad heart and diabetes and that was back when you could smoke in the hospital but not in the rooms. My mom asked me to stop smoking and I...WHAT SMELLS LIKE S**T? DOES ANYONE ELSE SMELL THAT? IT SMELLS LIKE SOMEONE S**T THEIR PANTS!!(Uh-oh. Brian just got a whiff of Annika's scent.) Anyway, so my mom..." At this point the train stopped and Jason bailed with us in tow.

Keeping Portland Weird Case in Point #3:

After gorging ourselves on some delicious Chinese food (at first we were the only Caucasians in the restaurant and the only ones the waitress immediately brought forks to) we hopped back on the train headed for our hotel. Again Annika and I were sitting and Jason and Lena were standing in front of us. I had noticed the woman across the aisle from me because she was talking (I thought she was talking to her seat mate) and she kept scratching her chest underneath her shirt. Oh well ,I thought, I get itchy sometimes. Lena and Jason looked especially cute so I whipped out my camera. Big mistake. Now I know how the paparazzi feel when they try to take pictures of celebrities. The following is how the next couple of minutes unfolded.

Right as I was about to take the picture the woman next to me says, "I might as well just get out my camera phone!" Then she throws her coat in my face (and I saw that coat, it wasn't all that clean, I didn't really want it thrown in my face). In the picture below you can see the offending coat blocking the picture.

She then proceeds to go up to Jason and says, "If she wants to take pictures she should go outside. Not everyone in here wants their picture taken" Jason tried to explain that I was taking a picture of them not her, but she would not be deterred. She snapped, "Well if you want to take pictures inside then go to Disneyland!" She then proceeded to stomp off. In her defense Jason proposed that maybe she was in the witness protection plan and can't risk being seen. Maybe...stranger things have happened!

Despite all that "weirdness" I still love you Portland. In fact I might love you a little more, because you gave me fodder for one whole blog entry. Peace out PDX.